Unfiltered and Unashamed: Embracing My True Self
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Shoes: Alexander Wang
Set: Target
Hair: SoLadyLikeBeauty
Makeup: Darly Di
Photographer: Eloiartistry
I’m having one of those nights. Laying in the dark, cocooned in my whip cream white plush comforter, eight-hundred thread count sheets, with the dew piping, yet in the moment nothing brings me comfort. Like undeveloped film in a dark room, I try to bring color to the images and thoughts in my head. Yooooo, my anxiety is really kicking my ass.
My mind is going faster than Dale Earnhardt, slow this bitch down. I can’t help but to think what does this next chapter of my life look like? What does the future hold for me? Will I ever truly heal within? Will I ever truly master the art of peace?
Although the answer to those questions are unclear, what is clear is the vision I had for my life—Married with kids, running a successful business, traveling the world…But why does this life seem so unattainable? Fuck that, why does it seem so impossible. And fuck that, “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible” bullshit. When you’re out here in the trenches really trying to get what you want, certain things seem intangible. That is until you click on Instagram and there goes your whole life right there, but on someone else’s profile. Ughhhh…I often ask myself what is the initial first step of healing? Is it getting this weight up off me? Cause bitch yuh-gots-ta-go! Is it seeking therapy? Society tells us to embrace self care days but truth be told at thirty-two years old I don’t even know what that is exactly. Like is a manicure, a massage, a DND day really gonna solve all these problems?
If the first step to healing is self care then good because I have written down a list of restaurants, spas, hotels, and etc. that I want to frequent.
Or maybe my healing process is just simply writing. Me finally giving myself permission to be my FUCKING self for the first time. Not giving a fuck about being judged and not having it all together. Just being a puzzle, but knowing my pieces will come together. Chains unshackled, walking in my truth and creating my own narrative.
For the first time in my life I’m just ready to walk in my purpose.
I’m on a quest for my life, healing, strength, worth, and happiness! I have decided to start to date with this series, with my current affairs being an open book for the world to see.
As a new divorcee, damn I actually just wrote that down, wow! I’m starting to embrace certain things, like dating myself and not having sex, which a rose isn’t looking too bad these days lol. I don’t know, for the first time I feel like I have full control of my mind, body, and soul. I am not attached to anyone and it feels so damn good .
And so the saga begins, but for now, this is Keesha St. Clair.
XOXO,
KS